Mommy Confessions – My Kids Totally Played Me

Gah! It’s one of a mother’s biggest embarrassments. Right up there with admitting that you’re not mother of the year because your kids live on Lean Cuisine and watch TV/You Tube for waaaaay too many hours a day. That’s right…

My kids played me.

Sneaky little farts.

And what’s worse? I’d have never figured it out if it hadn’t been for the hubster!

Here’s the deal…

About two months ago (or somewhere around there…you know what happens to a woman’s memory after we hit forty), the world’s worst babysitter quit via text message and left Daddy-O and I scrambling to handle afternoon childcare. Since my day job is on the flexible side and the girls were old enough to handle the majority of their morning grooming needs on their own, hubby and I stacked hands and decided to split the childcare routine. I’d go in to work at the ass crack of dawn and leave him with getting the girls dressed and on the bus, then I’d come home early to get them at the bus stop and beat them into submission until homework was done. (And do the laundry, straighten the house, clean the litter box, empty backpacks, etc.  You get the picture.)

Granted, coming to this agreement between hubby and I meant that I had to let go of certain control aspects that were surprisingly difficult. Things like accepting my girls probably would never again go to school with a straight part in their hair or matching clothes–or at least not until peer pressure taught them otherwise. But, after much encouragement from fellow moms, I got there.

So, we’ve been cruising along with the new shtick for the last few months…and I gotta tell ya.  I kinda dig it:

• When I get to work, there is no one here. It’s amazing what you can knock out when there’s not a constant stream of drive-by visitors.
• My time at work feels shorter. Not sure why, but I’m not lookin’ a gift horse in the mouth.
• Homework aside, I like being the one my kiddos come home to. We talk about their day at school and I get to learn about the two kindergarten boys who fought and got sent to the principle’s office, and how many girls in fourth grade are growing boobs. Never a dull moment.

Imagine my surprise when–during one of those heart-to-heart talks–this conversation goes down:

Oldest: “Mom, can you help me set my alarm on my iPad?”

Me: “What?”

Oldest: “My alarm.  Can you help me set it like you do?  ‘Cause I woke up too late and I had to hurry up to get my lunch and snacks in my backpack.”

Me:  “Wait.  What?  Didn’t dad wake you up?”

Oldest:  “No, I wake myself up.”

Me:  <Baffled silence for a minute>  “Since when?”

Oldest:  “Since dad told me to.”

Me:  <Scratches head and backtracks through the conversation>  “And you pack your own lunch and snack?”

Oldest:  “Yeah.  And make the bed.  But Addie has to help me.”

Me:  “You never did that when I was getting you ready.  I always had to pry you out of bed and beg you to make your lunch.”

Oldest: <Sly grin>

Me:  “So, you’re telling me when dad gets you ready, you’ll do this stuff, but if I get you ready you’ll let me do it?”

Oldest:  <Embarassed shrug and mouth twisted to the side>  “That’s different.”

Uh-huh.  Totally busted.  I am so off the hook if I have to do morning duty anytime in the near future. Gotta give hubster props for bringing their abilities to the forefront, though.  I’ll have to find a “special way” to thank him.  🙂

What’s the craziest, most jaw-dropping thing your kids have gotten over on you?  It’s ok.  You can admit it.  I’ll never tell.

😉