6 In Thoughts & Observations

The Monday Morning Guilt Hangover

I’ve got a particularly nasty case of guilt hangover this morning. No, I didn’t go out and make some ridiculous purchase over the weekend. Nor was I caught red-handed in some dubious act. No, what I did is something that’s weighting my conscience like a stinky, eight-hundred pound gorilla. Something that’s been shrieking at me ever since my alarm clock went off.

I did what I wanted. All. Weekend. Long.

Yes, it’s true. For forty-eight hours, (more like fifty-two if you count my sloth-filled Friday night) I fulfilled only the most necessary of tasks to keep the household in motion. Otherwise I sat on my ass and worked on my current manuscript.

And now?

Well, naturally, I feel like the lowest scum on Earth. What’s worse? I want to do more of the exact same thing today. I want to check into a hotel room and not come out until the bloody thing is done. I don’t want to talk to anyone, I don’t want to know what’s going on with the outside world, and I don’t want to worry about anyone’s hunger pains but my own.

Hold up. Here comes a fresh blast of GUILT.

<Insert violent, crashing waves here.>

I’m a mommy and a wife for crying out loud. What kind of mother wants to pry her ass out of her chair only when necessitated by hunger or the desperate need to pee? What kind of wife spends zero time with her husband over a long, obligation-free weekend? (Well, there was that hot bit of interaction Saturday night. So, hubby might be ok.)

Yes, yes…I know you’re shaking your head and saying I’m blowing things way out of proportion and you’re right. But I feel awful.

Maybe it’s this backlash of feelings that’s causing more and more couples to live child free? It’s a fine line we walk, not just as parents and partners, but as overall human beings. When does taking care of ourselves and honoring what our spirit wants tip over into full-blow selfishness? Is it wiser to follow our urges until they’ve run their course? Or to feed our desire only enough to satisfy the immediate craving? Do you have any answers? Have you ever felt a compulsive need to just be without answering to anyone else?


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  • Reply
    August 5, 2013 at 11:01 am

    Have you ever felt a compulsive need to just be without answering to anyone else?

    YES!! I don’t have a solution to suggest, but you’re not alone. If you find the answer, please share.

  • Reply
    CJ Burright
    August 5, 2013 at 4:28 pm

    It’s all about balance, Rhenna – a hard thing for a working woman who wants her work to be writing (SO in your shoes on that one). Don’t feel guilty! I bet an entire weekend to do only what you want comes along once in a black moon, right? Savor it. And I bet hubby and kids understand your working toward your dream and will cut you some slack.

  • Reply
    August 5, 2013 at 5:36 pm

    You’re going to hell. That’s just all there is to it.
    Writers write, silly. So enjoy the burn. Go for it and get it out there. I find it easier to do in the winter (and since I don’t have young children) because I only skimp on the house in winter and not the house AND the yard.
    But believe me, it’ll be there when you get back.

  • Reply
    kim cleary
    August 6, 2013 at 5:26 am

    My garden is going to wrack and ruin while I devote most of my energy to writing and/or all the tasks associated with self-publishing. My husband waits until I leave the computer to practice his guitar. I have sudden moments of guilt when I clean the house like a whirling divirsh. Perhaps hell is paved with writers 😛

    • Reply
      August 6, 2013 at 7:16 am

      I think it must be!

  • Reply
    Gretchen Wing
    August 6, 2013 at 10:16 am

    I don’t know if this helps other people, but a friend once told me, “Guilt is a useless emotion.” Now when I feel that tug of letting other people down (even when I know I HAVE to have some Me time or go nuts), I repeat that to myself like a mantra. And since I’m all about being useful…it actually helps me to get rid of something so useless as guilt. Bless your lil’ heart, Rhenna.

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